Toi et Moi

Some nights, I still miss Ash. After a long day at work, sometimes all I want is a fluffy companion and a nice cocktail.

Toi et Moi: Explication

Toi et Moi: Epreuve

Toi et Moi: Piano

Toi et Moi: Inquietude

Visible Soul

I’ve been making cat drawings on old book pages from a French poetry book called “Toi et Moi” (You and Me) by Paul Géraldy (1885–1983.)

Toi et Moi - Defaite
Ink and mineral pigment on old book page
2014

I don’t know French, so I can’t read the poems. I once tried to give this book to a poet friend of mine who loves Paris and knows French. He politely declined by saying that he has way too many books in his place, and cannot bring any more books home (such as this one.) And he added, “And you may want to use this book for your art, Naoe. So, why don’t you keep it for yourself?”

And I’m using it now. I’m glad that I still had this book, and the title and feel of these old book pages just seem so right for what I’m doing. This work is for my beloved cat, Ash.

Ash passed away last October. She was seventeen years old, a sweet cat, blind and deaf, intelligent, patient, a hunter in her youth, and a Zen master in her old age. She was full of wisdom, always on her own pace but also easy-going as cat can be. She easily adapted to a new environment whenever I moved (and I moved four times in her life.) She was loved by many people. A number of friends took turn in taking care of Ash while I was away at art residency a few months before she passed away. It needed a team of friends to do so, including giving her infusion time to time. With her blind eyes, she could see infinity, and she could see the depth in your heart. In her last month, I was in the studio working everyday, and she was always besides me, side by side, almost joined by hips like a conjoined twin. She kept me a company. On her last night, she slept in my arms all night. In the early morning the next day, five minutes after I woke up and while I was watching her, she took her last breath. She gave me time to say good-bye to her. I told her I loved her and she could go.

Toi et Moi - Passe

“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”

-Jean Cocteau

After Ash was gone, my eyes kept looking for her in every corner of the house. I kept seeing traces of Ash everywhere. And I still do, and I feel her presence.

Toi et Moi - Meditation

* * * * * * * * *

Ash will be joined by lots of cats who were loved, adored, spoiled and captured in many different forms of art by artists such as Louise Bourgeois, Kiki Smith, Andy Warhol, Edward Weston and many more. I think Ash would be really thrilled. I wonder if this might even help her status in the cat heaven. I hope so.

Toi et Moi - Habitude

Toi et Moi - Tendresse

 * * * * * * * * *

Visible Soul: Celebrating the feline as muse through painting, drawing, photography, and sculpture. 

“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”

-Jean Cocteau

The exhibit will highlight the feline-inspired work of established and mid-career artists while giving a well-deserved nod to the felines of antiquity and early cinema. 

Visible Soul: Celebrating the feline as muse through painting, drawing, photography, and sculpture.

Curated by Andrew Mroczek

Reception: Thursday, May 15th, 6-8pm

VanDernoot Gallery

Lesley University

1815 Massachusetts 

Cambridge, MA 02140

Featuring works by: Ulisse Aldrovandi, Juan Jose Barboza-Gubo, Leonard Baskin, Louise Bourgeois, Carlos Cardenas, Jan Groover, Karin Gulbran, Yui Kugimiya, Duane Michals, Bob Mizer, J. Morrison, Karen Moss, Mueller & Robinson, Bernard Picart, Andre Ruesch, Carolee Schneemann, Kiki Smith, Naoe Suzuki, Arne Svenson, Louis Wain, Andy Warhol, Shen Wei, Edward Weston, Neil Winokur, and many more…

The exhibition and reception are free and open to the public.

Visible Soul is dedicated to the lives and memories of Mr. Grover and Pigeon, who were, quite possibly, the world’s most adorable, ill-behaved cats. (Andrew Mroczek)

You don’t want brown water to flow

There’s nothing pleasant about dealing with sewage water, especially when it floods all over your house. That’s exactly what I had to deal with after coming back from Japan.

Two days after my return, having barely unpacked my suitcase, my condo got flooded with sewage water, not from a frozen pipe, but by an incompetent plumber who was working on the unit above my unit. I had suffered from a jetlag a night before. Being awake since 2am in the morning, I had been working on translation for the description of my work that I was sending to Japan for an auction at a gallery over there. I also translated my bio into Japanese, packaged all those prints, and got them ready to be sent. I skipped lunch and I was getting extremely tired when I drove off to the post office around 2pm. All I could think of was that I would have some light lunch when I get home and just crash in my bed (my own bed!) I got a phone call from my roommate not even five minutes after I left the house. He said that the condo was flooded with sewage water coming out of a toilet on the second floor, and my bedroom was already covered with it, water was coming from the ceiling in the dining room and in my studio, and all the smoke detectors were going off. My upstairs neighbor had called me just before I was leaving my driveway, telling me that they had a plumber working in their unit and not to use the toilet for a while. I had left my roommate a message. This was only five minutes ago, and now my unit is flooded with sewage water? Having jetlag effect, my brain couldn’t quite fathom what was being said.

When I got back, it was already a catastrophe. Brown water was falling from the ceiling, my bedroom was covered by sewage water, all the smoke detectors were going off, and water was still coming out of the toilet, it seemed. It didn’t take a long time to make a huge damage.

It was a disaster.

I’ll skip the disgusting part of cleaning the sewage water. And I’ll skip the stressful part of dealing with disaster afterwards. Most of my condo had to be gut out and replaced. I lived in a hotel for three weeks, and only last week I was able to relocate to a small studio apartment.

I know it could’ve been worse, a lot worse.

Fortunately, none of my new works in the studio were damaged. That was the amazing part. When I got back, I walked into my studio right away, and saw the water falling right near the wrapped artworks. I moved them right away. I was relieved to see that the water was coming from just one part of the ceiling, and not from directly above my rolled up 10 feet drawing, "Blue."

Not so fortunate was everything I had underneath my bed, including some prints I had made at graduate school. I had tucked in many old prints and drawings there, and they were all damaged. Some of them were work prints, and most of them were thin rice papers, so a lot of got damaged very quickly.

So for the sentimental reasons, I’ll post some photos of these works. I still have most of the prints that I actually used for these installations. But I always made more, in case I wanted to make the size of installation larger. And those extra prints were the ones I put them underneath the bed. 

Neglected children always end up with their future ruined.  

Perpetual Self Discipline

1996 - 1997

Mixed media Installation: Size variable

Xerox transfer on rice paper, cast glass of dumbbells and video

Detail

My History: not my self

1999

Installation

Xerox transfer on rice paper

15’ x 10’

Detail

Next is I

1998 - 1999

Mixed media installation: Size variable

xerox transfer on rice papers, forced tulip bulbs,

soil, terra cotta pots and saucers

The River Flows

My exhibit, “The River” ends today. As always, having an exhibit gave me a chance to see many friends I haven’t seen for so long. And this time, my parents were able to come from Japan to attend the opening. It was very special. My mother brought a kimono from there and she helped putting the kimono on me. (Otherwise, I don’t know how to put them on by myself.) They had a great time meeting many of my friends and hanging out in the gallery as the artist’s parents. 

The exhibit looked great, thanks to Andrew Mroczek, the Director of the VanDernoot Gallery and Anna Farrow, the Assistant to the Director. I always love seeing my drawing, “Blue” since it’s a 10 feet long drawing and it’s usually stored as rolled up in my studio. And all the works were hung sparsely, giving enough breathing space between them. 

My most recent work, “The River” (4”x 167”  mineral pigment on found paper) was hang with both sides rolled up, showing just some sections of the work. I think it still suggest that the river continues even though you’re not seeing the entire image. 

"The River"  4"x 167"  Mineral pigment on found paper.  2013

For the opening reception, I made a playlist comprised of many songs with “river” as a theme. One of my favorite songs I found on iTune store is “River” by Emeli Sandé, an English-born Scottish recording artist and songwriter. Her voice is just amazing, and the lyrics really resonated within me. I especially love these sections in her lyrics. 

…..

See maybe I’m too quiet for you
You’ve probably never noticed me
But if you’re too big to follow rivers
How you ever gonna find the sea?

So follow me, I’ll be your river, river
I’ll do the running for you
Follow me, I’ll be your river, river
I’ll move the mountains for you
Follow me, I’ll be your river, river
I’m here to keep you floating
Follow me, I’ll be your river, river
River, river 

…….

You can find the rest of the lyrics on her website, and you can also listen to “River” and her other songs on spotify. 

Another music I fell in love is “River Flows in You” by Yiruma, a pianist and composer from South Korea. Incredibly beautiful, romantic, yet I feel a bit of melancholic. You can also listen to “River Flows in You” on spotify.

I love what river suggests—flowing, running, journey, continuation, stream, and also as a vein, vessel, and pathway. Maybe I’m lucky to be able to make these positive connotations about river. 

“Two Rivers” and “Purple is the New Blue” were created after reading an article in the New York Times about the contaminated canal in Savar, Bangladesh. This is the city where the factory building collapsed earlier in April this year. Pollution and contamination of the water in this area are the result of heavy industry factories that ignore the environmental regulation and its’ consequences to make more profit. The water in the river is so contaminated that people can tell what color of dye is being used at a nearby dying plant by looking at the color of the river. Some days, it’s purple, and other days, it’s red or grey. Students at a nearby elementary school cannot concentrate, they feel dizzy and lightheaded, and they feel nausea from the polluted water and air. 

"Two Rivers"  42"x 60"  Mineral pigment, micro pigment pen and tea on paper. 2013

"Two Rivers" detail

I wonder what kind of images these children have about river. 

They may not associate the title “River Flows in You” with Yiruma’s beautiful music. Maybe river makes them think of something dirty, sickening, polluted and dangerous. 

I don’t know where it’s taking me, but my river continues to flow.

The River Opens

Last several months, or precisely about six months, seemed like riding in the fast rapid flow of river. All the surroundings were blur, though I know I was going very slow pace at some points. A lot of things happened. First, I lost my job. My position was terminated at the university due to a lack of funding. Then, I was accepted to go to the Blue Mountain Center for 2 weeks residency in July. Shortly before that, I was given an opportunity for a solo show in the fall. In the summer, I devoted a lot of my time on Brazilian zouk dance as a coordinator for the International Zouk Flash Mob for the Boston team. I learned the choreography from the video and taught, and coordinated the flash mob day event. In August, I went to NYC to get the zouk teaching training and received my advanced zouk teaching certificate from Zouk NY. More than a half of August was spent either being in NYC or hosting people at my house. September came and went like a hurricane. Before I knew it, it was September 21^st, the International Day of Peace, also the day of the International Zouk Flash Mob. On this day, nearly 5,000 people from 127 cities and 43 countries danced the same choreography around the world. Boston team danced 8 times at 6 different locations throughout the city. We spent all afternoon trekking around the city and dancing.

Boston Team performing in front of the Trinity Church.
Photo: Charles Daniels

But ten days before that, my 17 years old cat sort of collapsed. She couldn’t eat or drink well on her own anymore. So, I had started nursing her with baby food and giving her infusion everyday. Much of September was spent in my studio, trying to finish all the works for the show. And my cat, Ash, was always on my side. If I was sitting on the floor drawing, she would sit on the cushion right next to me. And if I was sitting on the chair, she would climb up and take over the chair, so I always ended up sitting on the edge of the chair. Even though she couldn’t eat well on her own and getting weak, she kept a good company for me; following me around as much as she could, and still climbing up to the bed to sleep with me at night. Working around the clock in the studio meant that I got to spend a lot of time with her as well, even though that meant we were just sitting side by side while I was working. It was a special time. I knew Ash was old and deteriorating, but she’s been so tough in the past (she bounced back from strokes a couple of times in the past,) so I was hoping she would do so once again. The week of October 7^th was my deadline to finish all my works. I finished everything and got all the new works photographed on the 5^th. I brought three large drawings to the framer on the 6^th. And on the 10^th, my other framer came to pick up small drawings to frame. Everything was going well on the schedule. Then, October 11^th, on early morning, Ash died.

Ash was 17 years old, blind and deaf, but never gave up on living until the end.

The last three days of her life, Ash completely lost an interest for eating, and I had to force-feed her. I knew her days weren't long. She waited until I was ready—only after I finished all my works for the show and got everything arranged, she decided it's time. The gift was that she let me witness her passing in my arms. I know she did that for me. She slept in my bed that night. Around 1am, she wanted to get out, so I lowered her down to the floor, but she couldn’t walk very well. I knew then that I might have to take her to the vet in the morning and put her to sleep, which I really didn't want to do. After 3am, her breathing started getting irregular. I kept stroking her and telling her how great kitty she has been and she can go. That morning, only after my alarm o'clock went off at 7:30am and I was fully awake and watching her, she turned around to face me, stretched and reached her arms to me, then she took her last breath. It was 7:35am.

Today, my solo show, “The River” opened.

I feel like my river is also opening up.

The River

VanDernoot Gallery
at University Hall


October 24 - November 27

Opening Reception: Wednesday, October 30^th, 6:00-8:00pm

Lesley University College of Art and Design

1815 Massachusetts Avenue


Cambridge, MA

Hours: Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday: 12 - 5 pm, Thursday: 3 - 8 pm

Hours are subject to change; please call ahead to confirm, 617.585.6656.